Not so many years ago, Stephen Covey was telling us to, “Seek First to Understand.” Today, many nonprofit experts are echoing that with Listen First.

There are good reasons for this excellent advice.

First, as you listen to your current donors whether it’s on the phone, video chatting or in person at a safe social distance, you learn what attracted them to your organization, what part of your mission touches their heart. Knowing what matters to them, you know what stories to share; you tell those things that reflect their interests. Let them know their investment is paying off in ways that are meaningful to them, and they will be more likely to keep investing.

Part of listening, too, is hearing what does NOT matter to them. It is knowing how they prefer to communicate and how often. Do they want texts, emails, phone calls, or visits? Are they following your social media? Do they want weekly updates or a letter twice a year? It’s knowing if they are moved by stories or by data. It’s knowing who they want to hear from. Do they want to hear from someone who directly benefitted, a favorite staff member, a board member or a senior administrator? Would they enjoy being on a committee, sharing their own expertise, becoming a volunteer or in healthier times, hosting a small gathering to thank fellow donors or introduce your mission to their friends. Store this information in your data base. So you honor their wishes and their interests later.

For prospective donors, listen for things you have in common. If you connect personally, they are more likely to take time to listen to your organization’s story. Pay attention for their interests. Your organization’s mission may not interest them. In that case, your time will have greater benefit for the organization spent with someone who is interested.

Of course, you may hear strong interest. Then how do you engage them? Listen to the language they use. Mirror it. If they talk about fairness, then describe ways your mission builds fairness. If they talk about kindness, share acts of kindness your mission engenders. Listen for their values, their beliefs and their trusted sources for information. Let those help frame your story as you share with them. Ask if you may get back in touch again later. When you return to the office note what you’ve learned in your data base, so you can continue to frame your communications in ways that recognize your shared values.

When it’s your turn to share, continue to focus on them. Make their interests central as you share the good your organization is working to accomplish. If you’re are visiting in person or video chatting, Watch their reactions. Watch body language and facial cues. If their eyes light up, continue in that vein. Ask for feedback. But, if their eyes are wandering, or they are glancing at their watch, or if you’re on the phone and there are long pauses or sighs or sounds that indicate they are ready to move on, wrap it up, and thank them for their time.